I mean, look, Santa. It's gotten kind of hip to be politically correct these days. Even some of the baaad rockers like to occasionally be ecological and sensitive and compassionate and all that liberal stuff. Look at Henley and Walden pond. So it's no crime to take a hard look at products and packaging, Santa, and really lean on the elves that don't get with the program. Think of the poster you could have: There you are, standing tall and tough, trimmed down with the new exercise routine Sam has got you on, no more pipe, looking sternly yet with caring compassion at some cowering little elf, arm outstretched like Yo'man on the Sistine ceiling, with the caption, "Santa Means You!!!!" The public'll love it, and the elves'll all get the message. I mean, they like to trash it and they'll never ever thank you for it straight out, but they really care about North Pole® Certification, believe me. And anyway, it's time you put the fear of Yo'man in 'em.

Get 'em to re-engineer their products so that the hardware pieces can be re-used, and encourage 'em to set up a low-cost return system. Make the packaging recyclable and easy to handle, too. They want people to store their boxes? Make 'em easy to knock down and store in a small space. "Product stewardship," it's called. No more of the old "blacktop warranty" stunts. Remember those? "When you reach the blacktop, young fella, it's out of warranty." Ha ha, those were some days, huh Santa? Anyway, the new way is: you build it, you own it for life. When you sell it to somebody you still own part of the responsibility for it, including responsibility for getting the greatest possible use out of the materials, and taking the materials back when the customer has used up the product. I know it sounds dorky, Santa, and not quite in the old, hey it's Christmas, screw all that practical stuff mode. But believe me, if you climb on the bandwagon, you can do more for Yo'man (isn't it funny how the guys in the bible thought it was Jehoveh?) in one single season than you've been able to pull off in the last ten with the tired old "Ho ho ho" jingle-jingle-jingle bit.

And this is one place where your Virtual Elves can really help, Santa. Get 'em to really work on getting magnetic and optical media into the mainstream, to design some really user-friendly systems (they gotta stop using it as just a sales pitch, if you know what I mean) for archiving and stuff, plus smart scanners and other stuff so we can really begin to make a dent on the old Gross National Paper Pile. Man, its gotta happen, and you can lead the way!