Next, Santa, is more of a marketing thing. Don't let your elves promise stuff they can't deliver. Make it a rule, in order to have North Pole® Certification, that they can't announce anything that isn't ready to ship. No more phony demos. No more beta versions except for pay. Integrity, Santa. That's what it is, integrity! Make North Pole® Certification mean something once again.

The analog elves aren't all that hot either, Santa. I still can't believe you let 'em go thirty years debating about whether they could hear whether pin two or pin three was hot and which was better. Anyway, now it's time to take care of the levels thing. Tell 'em all, if they want to have North Pole® Certification, they gotta reference their levels to one volt with internal trimmers built in on the boards (with neat little screwdriver holes) to allow us users to swing the level up to 1.23 volts (+4 dBu) or down to .316 volts (-10 dBV) if we really need to. Tell the consumer-grade elves to do the same. By Christmas 99, it'll be really cool, Santa. 0 VU will be 1 volt RMS. Can you dig it? Also, tell 'em to review their grounding practices, get back on the wagon. As my old buddy Neil Muncy and the Electricity Police have pointed out, we've all been getting a little sloppy.

Along that same line, Santa, ya gotta do something about the wall warts. It was a nice cute idea back when everybody thought a four-operation calculator with a NiCad battery that would fit in shirt pockets and actually remember things was like omigawd totally awesome, but now . . . We have these stupid black excrescences sticking out of our walls, floors, under cabinets, over counters, everywhere! Aside from the fact that they are unecological as hell, and disgusting to look at besides, they usually consume multiple outlets due to their size, the cables are so flimsy they break within two months (C'mon Santa, how many busted ones have YOU got lying around in a drawer? I've got about 25, and I have a friend who showed me he had trunk full of 'em!), and they are just plain unprofessional. So, Santa, while you've got all the elves on the retreat, tell 'em that you're gonna upgrade the North Pole® Certification standards, banning wall warts, and giving endorsements to elves that use a new universal power supply design that is a standalone unit (rackmountable, with quiet cooling) that'll drive up to twenty little buggers. That way, we can standardize supply rails and chassis grounding, the elves don't have to stick a stupid supply in every box they build, we can have a much tidier set up, with far less waste and more profit, and we're saving the world as well. Get Green, Santa! Even better, make all your elves Get Green.